So basically, you (the parent) are the most influential factor in your child’s life.
I think most of you instinctually know this to be true. But if not, recognize its truth now and behave accordingly. (I’m generally pretty straightforward.)
In the counseling world, or at least in counseling school, we talk about things like risk factors and protective factors. Risk factors are, no kidding, the things that are not so bueno in a child’s life. Protective factors are, obviously, the mucho bueno things in a child’s life. (No, my textbooks do not use the word, ‘bueno’, and, yes, I paraphrased those definitions, and yes, I know ‘mucho bueno’ makes no sense.)
I read recently that, for instance, a risk factor for early childhood is poverty. It can lead to inflammation, and to mental disorders and physical ailments later in life. Not so bueno. But the great news is this, that a protective factor, like a warm, loving mother, may intervene and those risk factors can sometimes be negated by the protective factors.
Muy bueno and very, very cool.
I tell you this because as I was reading through Chapter 1 in my Lifespan and Development book, I just got so passionate, so amped up about the fact that we, parents, have a huge impact on our kids. Either we negatively impact them so that they turn into dysfunctional adults. Or we positively impact them so that they have healthy outcomes (healthy relationships, succeed in school and work, etc.).
Now, I’m not saying that parents are solely responsible for their children’s life outcomes. But I am saying that we have a BIG responsibility toward them. And parenting should be done intentionally.
I’d also like to add that our relationships, our education/skills, our jobs, our mental health, our religion–pretty much everything that we actively engage in is going to affect our children.
So, if you have the tendency of engaging in dysfunctional relationships (like jumping from one-to-the-next every so often), seriously just stop. You’re not doing your kid any favors and it’s not fair to them. The next guy/girl is not your answer. So. Just stop. I’m going to stop myself now. A-hem. Instead, engage in healthy relationships, work on creating a healthful marriage, work on bringing only healthy influences into your children’s lives. They deserve that from you, but you’ll be happier too.
Even our education can affect our children. How? Well, a woman with less than a high school diploma is going to have a very difficult time supporting herself, let alone children. Your education matters. It matters not only to you, but it matters to your kids because it has a trickle-down effect. (And strangely, a parent’s education can be indicative of what level of education their children will obtain. This isn’t always the case, but it is one indication. Check this website out if you want to learn more!) It’s not only a matter of money though. It’s a matter of critical thinking, it’s a matter of being able to teach your children, it’s a matter of being knowledgable. It affects so many things I just can’t even. So, even if you decide you’re anti-college or whatever, continue learning. Never stop educating yourself on the important stuff! Some of the smartest people I know are people who never went to college! Just never stop learning.
(Also…if you do get a good education in a field or vocation where you can make a decent amount of money, you can get out of dysfunctional relationships without worrying so much about the finances! Look at that. Just look at how that all works together.)
If you’re struggling with a mental disorder or you’re struggling to process something that can affect your children, talk to somebody about it, whether a friend or a professional. Everyone has issues that they gotta work through at some point. Let’s be real. Never be ashamed of your depression, or your anxiety, or other issues you’re working through. The best thing you can do for yourself and your kids is to get the help you need. In fact, it’s one of the bravest things you can do.
And if you’re a Christian, this all applies directly to you. In the Bible we find that we are supposed to do everything as though we’re doing it for the Lord. Our lives are supposed to bring God glory. I love it that I have a pastor that sometimes makes the point that, hey, get good at what you’re passionate about or have talent for. If you’re intelligent, use that intelligence for the Lord. If you’re musically inclined, use that music to glorify God. If you’re good at teaching, learn and get even better at it! If you love to write, become the best writer you can be. (Wow, <that all sounded really peppy.)
But seriously, be the best for God.
And then, guess what? You’ll be better for your kids. It really all works together.
What about you? What is one thing you do well as a parent? And what is one thing that you could do better? Comment below!
(And if you haven’t yet followed my blog, please do. It’d mean the world to me ;-))
The Counseling Student 