The counter-culture 20something mom

Sometimes, you feel like the only one, because you are. At least, maybe, you’re the only one in the room at the time.

So, random introductory sentence. But I guess it was more for me than anyone else.

Sometimes, I feel incredibly counter-culture. I feel like I’m the new minority. And some might argue that, since I’m a woman, I am. I wouldn’t really say that though, not for that reason.

I am a mother. I am a writer. But, maybe most importantly, I’m a Christian.
I’m inconsistent. I yell. I can be oblivious. I can be intuitive and compassionate. I am strong, but I am also weak. I am beautiful, but I can also be ugly. I am sweet, but I can also be terribly unforgiving. At least for a little while.

I become offended for the underdog. I protect those I love. I hate being vulnerable, yet I crave that place where vulnerability happens. Nothing angers me more than someone treating my child unfairly, or worse, treating them as if they’re someone they aren’t.

I cannot run a marathon, nor do I want to. I cannot do a pull-up, but it’s one of my many aspirations. My writing has been rejected and my heart has been broken by that. Yet, although my broken heart wants to give up, I am still writing. And I won’t stop.

I get discouraged easily. Yet, I am so determined that you might not be able to tell. My children are the most beautiful creatures in my life, yet also the biggest challenge. I never knew how selfish I was until I became a mother.

My husband is gracious, stubborn, handsome, funny, oblivious, and so, so loyal. And he loves me with a passion that he hardly allows anyone else to experience. We have almost nothing in common, and we had less than that when we started out. But he is just what I need. He will fight for me, even when I don’t see it.

I am stubborn and prideful. I am smart and creative. I am mouthy and sweet. I have the worst self-esteem and I shouldn’t need other people’s assurance that I am, indeed, lovable. I have walls. Crumbling walls. I have scars. I have beauty, creativity, and love welling up, deep within me.

I am counter-culture, but I am also the same.

Welcome to the ramblings of a 20-something mom.