My journey to overcoming anxiety: Part III (2 practical applications)

So, this is probably the part of the series that everyone has been wanting me to get to, because, let’s be real, this is the info people with anxiety want.

How to overcome.

If you haven’t read the first two parts of my series you can read the first here and the second here.

So this is the first portion of my list of the actual “hows” of how I overcame anxiety. Now, remember that this is my unique experience. My journey and everybody’s journey will look different. However, I do sincerely believe that almost everything on my list could be applicable to almost anyone suffering with anxiety.

So, here’s the first portion of my list (the second portion will come in Part IV of my series):

I admitted that I had anxiety:

You cannot deal with your anxiety if you won’t admit you have it. And I know, I know, how awful it can feel to admit it. For me, with my pride about never being afraid, it was very difficult for me to admit that I had anxiety issues. Being afraid, having anxiety, being sensitive- none of those things were acceptable in my household growing up.

But my admission about my anxiety was absolutely essential to my journey of healing.

You have to admit that you are dealing with hard stuff. Whether it be anxiety, depression, grief, addiction, or whatever the case may be, it needs to be admitted. You cannot get better until you admit there is something wrong.

I got counseling:

I know. Scary.

Nobody wants to see mental health professionals. I don’t know why. I think everyone should see a counselor at some point. I just do. But then I’m a counseling student. So. I’m probably biased.

If you do decide to seek professional counseling, it may take you a couple tries to find the right fit. That is okay.

Personally, I went to a few different professional therapists. I found a few good ones that were helpful to me at each part of my journey. Through the process of counseling, I realized that I had a childhood trauma that heavily impacted my anxiety disorder.

This discovery was great, because I needed this discovery to get better. And it was awful, because now I had to work through it.

I will be honest with you, my anxiety did not get better right away. Why? Because sometimes when you are diving into the abyss of unresolved, deeply-buried issues, your body, your emotions, and your mind do not like it. Your psyche, or whatever it might be-maybe self-preservation-wants this stuff to stay hidden. But this needs to happen. You need to dig deep. However, it will probably be painful.

It’s akin to breaking a bone, it never being set back right again, but your body healing anyway. And then you’re never the same again. Then one day, this bone that’s still not right, starts bugging you so much that you go to the doctor. Then the doctor has to do surgery. Then you need painful physical therapy to set the situation right again. You have to retrain your muscles to work right. And it hurts! The whole situation sucks! But it is necessary so that you can function again.

Well, the above is just like dealing with traumas or deep-seated issues that must be dug into so that you can get better. You might cry. You might experience stress. You might get angry. Your counselor will probably give you homework to help you work through things.

Yet, that’s all okay. It’s okay for you to process. It is acceptable for you to not be okay. Because this is temporary.

I know it feels permanent, but it is not. It doesn’t have to be if you are willing dig deep and sometimes make changes (and we will get to some of those changes in Part IV. Yay!!).

If you’re brave enough, whisper it to yourself right now, “I might not be okay today, but I will be thriving some day. I will not give up.” 

In Part IV of this series I will outline several more ways I overcame anxiety. I believe a majority of them are applicable to almost anyone suffering with anxiety. I wanted to tie it all up in this one post, but this post simply would’ve been too long. I can’t wait to finish it and post it next week!

Have you suffered from anxiety? If so comment below!

And if you haven’t already, please follow me on WordPress! 

My journey to overcoming anxiety. Part II: My trigger.

Anxiety is debilitating. It can literally make you feel ill, and unable to function.

But here’s the thing, you can get through anxiety. You can even overcome it. How do I know? Because I think I’ve done it. And if I can do it after years of debilitating anxiety, so can you!

Throughout this series, I will tell you my story, how I personally began my journey of breaking the cycle of anxiety, and hopefully, by reading it you will be given a sense of empowerment. Because that’s the issue with anxiety, isn’t it? It leaves you feeling so powerless over your own mind.

Now, I could go through each gory detail of the next few years of my life (from my last post in this series), but I don’t think I will. It’d simply take too long. But I’ll give you a simple outline.

The following were contributing factors to my generalized anxiety disorder:

1. About 9 months after I gave birth to my son, I began experiencing postpartum depression. I, being very afraid of mental illness, denied it completely. It was, of course, abundantly obvious. Unfortunately for me, I’m quite good at not be vulnerable and hiding what’s really happening inside of me-as many of us are. We are all skilled mask-creators when we feel the need to be.
2. Perhaps, PTSD (Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder). Trauma stemming from childhood was affecting me, how I viewed the world, perhaps how my very brain was even wired.
3. This past trauma was triggered by another event in which…I was trying to leaving my neighborhood one night after dark. Some little thugs decided to form a line across the street in front of my car. They started to shout at me to get out of the car. GET OUT OF THE CAR! A counselor later told me that this event probably triggered all of the mental and emotional issues stemming from my past trauma.

Now, I should probably mention at this juncture that days, literally days (maybe one), before I gave birth to my first child–there was a shooting in my neighborhood across the parking lot from my apartment complex. I walked over to the window, wondering what had happened (I didn’t grow up in neighborhoods where shootings happened), to have my husband begin shouting at me to get away from the window.

And this place, where I get shouted at to get away from the windows, is where I was bringing my son.

I had a very difficult time reconciling myself to that fact. But when you don’t have a lot and you have to fight for everything you have, sometimes you don’t have a choice about where you live.

I mention this shooting because even though I got away unharmed during the street incident, the city I live in is considered one of the most violent cities in America. And my 12-month-old son was sitting in the backseat when it happened. All of these things were in my psyche somewhere, if that makes sense. And, if I’m not very much mistaken, there was another shooting (right across from my apartment complex) not very long before I was accosted by the thugs on the street. And, of course, we had the drug dealer living across the hall from me.

But this is all okay. It’s made me who I am. It’s made me a fighter. It’s taught me to fight through fear. And I really haven’t gone through anything nearly as bad as other people I know…but this isn’t anyone else’s story. It’s mine. I have a right to feel how I do, to process, and to then, and only then, move on.

And if you’re going through something, no matter the why of it, you have a right to process and experience too.

All of the things above contributed to my anxiety. The childhood trauma, the postpartum depression, the stress of my living conditions, and then finally the trigger.

The night I was accosted, I called my husband (after I called the police) and I told my husband I was moving out of that neighborhood. Now, my husband has been through some crap and has lived in some tough neighborhoods, so to him, what happened to me wasn’t that big of a deal. But I was done. I was done with the shootings. I was done with the drug dealers across the hall. I was done worrying about my infant’s safety. I was done being afraid to go outside. I was done with that side of town.

And within a few weeks, we were moving, and I was having debilitating attacks of anxiety. These attacks were like panic attacks on steroids. They just didn’t stop. They just lasted for hours upon hours.

I started to lose hope, but I was going to be okay.

I’ll tell you about it in my next post.

 

Note: I want to point out that everyone is affected by trauma differently. Some, may walk out of a war zone affected, but somehow able to cope and move on. Some, can actually be traumatized by verbal abuse. Everyone, because of the different physiology, pre-conditions, developmental stages, and psychological health, is different, and experiences and copes with events differently as well. And that’s okay. 

 

Have you ever experienced anxiety or panic attacks? Comment below! (Hey, I told you some of my story; you can tell me some of yours! 🙂 )

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My journey to overcoming anxiety. Part I: My story

When I was 18, or maybe I’d just turned 19, I worked two jobs, paid all my bills (minus rent because I still lived at home) I was in college, I was interning at the public defenders’ office, one of my best friends had just left for tour in Iraq, and I was trying to write a book. (You might say I’ve always been a slightly driven individual.)

And that’s when it started: these terrible, paralyzing anxiety attacks. I couldn’t breathe. Terrible bouts of anxiety that inflicted much emotional, mental, and even physical pain. And they just didn’t end. They went on and on and on. They seemed absolutely inescapable. They terrified me. I didn’t understand them.

They almost devoured me.

At the time, I had no idea what anxiety was. I didn’t know what a generalized anxiety disorder was. I certainly hadn’t heard of PTSD. I was a girl who prided myself on marching into situations with little regard for fear. I could be nervous, even afraid, but that angst would be ignored. If fear was a door, I was the girl who would kick it in.

At least, that’s the girl I thought I was.

But then…anxiety attacked.

My anxiety was so absolutely paralyzing that I had to quit one of my jobs (although, really, that employer was just ick. You know what I mean.). I muddled through my classes (luckily, since I’d been working hard all semester, my grades didn’t suffer), and I withdrew from some social activity. Although when I look back, I finished my internship and I finished my semester and I kept one of my jobs and I did end up self-publishing my book. So, even though I was suffering, and I would suffer for hours and sometimes a full day at a time, I forced myself to push through.

During my worst hours, I’d be alone, in solitude riddled with anxiety so intense I’d shake, rock, sit huddled on the sofa, or I wouldn’t even move. I probably looked as though I was in intense physical pain. And I was. In my better moments, when I was still suffering but not so badly, I finished out my semester. I went to work. I did the things that needed to be done.

But I had a major anxiety issue on the rise. And it seemed like NOBODY understood it. Nobody even really knew what it was. I certainly didn’t.

Some people seemed to have an attitude of: What’s your deal? Everybody has stress. Get over it. While, others had a more compassionate approach: It’s all right. Everyone goes through hard periods of time. You’ll be okay.

But that was the thing, I told myself I’d be okay too. But I didn’t believe it. I didn’t believe it when I whispered it to myself. And I didn’t believe it when other people told me I would be either. How could I? None of us had a clue what was even going on. And I don’t think most people understood the severity of my disorder.

I also told myself to get over it. I judged myself. I was ashamed of myself for having such a weakness as this strange, debilitating, overwhelming emotional/mental issue. And I wasn’t okay with it. I wasn’t okay with me having this problem.

So, I wanted to ignore it. I wanted to brush it under the rug. As if by so doing, I could make it go away. Because the truth was…it was far too big for me to handle alone.

God, what a lonely, frightening time that was for me. And it was far from over.

I have learned over the past 9 years that anxiety is not something to be ignored. Yet, it’s also definitely not something to be bowed to.

If you have anxiety, don’t give up. There is hope. I know.

I’ll give you more of my story in Part II of this series, in which I’m writing about anxiety and my journey through it. And hopefully, if you are struggling through anxiety, I will have some encouragement and some advice to help you get through.

 

Have you ever experienced anxiety, panic attacks, or debilitating anxiety? If so, if you feel comfortable, because it’s oh so personal, leave me a note below. Even a short one that maybe just says “Yes.” I’d love to at least say a prayer over you.