I’ve decided that I don’t want to see any other humans today. I don’t want to go to the store. I don’t want to go to the gym. I don’t even want to go through a drive-through.
Nope. I am not ready to engage with the world around me yet.
I assumed that Clinton would have Trump beat soundly yesterday, or rather, this morning, because that’s what all the polls said.
Let me be clear: I do not like Clinton. However, I also do not like Trump.
Both were distasteful candidates in my opinion and I have no idea how either of them became the major party nominees. Regardless, they did.
So, when I was heading home from class last night and my husband was telling me that Trump was ahead with electoral votes, I was shocked. Confused. And, while I was glad Clinton wasn’t winning, all of the sudden it dawned on me, Lord in Heaven, if Clinton isn’t winning then that means Trump is winning.
Trump. The man whose candidacy I thought was a cosmic joke. The man who I’ve thought of as a pig, on many occasion. Many words concerning Donald Trump have often run through my head; none of them complimentary.
So even though I’m glad that Clinton didn’t win last night, I’m not happy that Trump did.
Seriously, how the heck did Trump win the election?
The media has speculated that his success was fueled by people’s anger with the government. And that voting for Trump was the people’s way of saying, “Screw you! We want something different!” They’ve also speculated that it’s not because people actually like Trump, but that they just dislike Clinton more. So a vote for Trump was really just a vote against Clinton. And maybe vice-versa.
With Clinton, I feel like people knew what they would get. Trump, on the other hand, is a total wildcard. He’s like a bull in a china shop, a live grenade. We have no clue what is going to happen. And either he’s going to absolutely ruin this country or he’s actually going to do something constructive. We really have no idea.
And that terrifies me.
I have experienced a range of emotions this morning (and I did not sleep well last night, as I fell asleep before the results were in). I’ve experienced confusion (many times), surprise, sadness, deep discouragement (almost moments of depression), grief, fear (almost anxiety), and I’ve had no desire to talk to anyone other than my husband and God.
But God and I have already talked about this. Last year, in fact. Right around this time, during the primaries in Illinois.
Last year, during the primaries, I was completely distraught when Trump won Illinois. I was shocked, confused, indignant. I think I might’ve cried. I was so angry and dejected when he won in Illinois that I stopped paying attention to the rest of the state primaries. I was so disappointed with my fellow Illinoisans.
And around that time, probably the next day, I was praying about it as I drove down Perryville. I was praying and worrying to God about what in the world would happen to our country if Donald Trump won the primary and even, God no, won the election.
But God comforted me in that moment. He stopped my worry and my fear in its tracks. I felt as though He was saying, “I even have a purpose in that.”
Through my struggles this morning, He’s re-iterated that sentiment.
Yes, Trump won the election. Yes, he could be the worst president in our nation’s history. Yes, things could go from bad to worse very quickly.
However, and with God there is always a back-up plan, God still has a purpose. I don’t know what it is, but no matter what, that purpose is still in effect and it will still be fulfilled somehow.
And I will trust in Him today. I will put my hope in Him today.
Not in Trump. Not in any man or woman. But in God.
Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we will trust in the name of the Lord our God. ~Psalm 20:7
The Counseling Student 