This time of year is one of joy. But sometimes it isn’t.
This time of year, sometimes people feel grief more keenly than usual. Sometimes, people having felt alone, realize how un-alone they actually are. And sometimes, people having felt surrounded, now realize how alone they really are. Sometimes, people have a million Christmas cards slapped on the fridge. Sometimes, people don’t have enough food to eat. During the day, people can have smiles on their faces, while at night they’re secretly crying themselves to sleep. And sometimes, they mean all of it, the smiles, the tears…all of it.
And that’s okay.
I mean, just because Santa is coming doesn’t mean that all of our problems suddenly go away. And sometimes the very fact that we are supposed to be happy, makes us realize how unhappy we are. I don’t know.
I love this holiday season. I look forward to seeing all of my relatives and all of my brothers (because I don’t see them often). I’ve made presents and learned to knit in order to make more presents (I know, I know. Me, knitting. Weird.). I’m planning a Christmas party for my immediate family. I’m shopping for people and planning every minute detail of how their gifts will be put together, down to the favorite color of wrapping paper, to favorite kinds of chocolate. And I love every second of it. I am so excited to give presents this year. And I know how blessed I am. And I feel it.
Yet, at the same time…there’s a part of me, a part of me that I really only reveal, truly, to my husband. And that part of me is grieving. That part of me is sad. And while my smiles are genuine, so are my tears.
I guess at this point I could bust out some cliche maxim about how we should look on the positive side and we should will ourselves through any type of negative emotion we might feel. I mean, it is the Christmas season. The happiest time of the year, as the song goes.
But I’m not going to do that. In fact, I’m going to do the exact opposite of that. Because sometimes…Sometimes we need to let ourselves experience emotions. Sometimes, we need to stop making ourselves trudge through and pretend we are okay when we aren’t. When we aren’t at all.
Yet, on the other hand, I’m not going to ask those people feeling joy to temper that joy for the sake of someone else’s grief. We don’t all need to be sad. It’s okay to be happy, even when we know someone else who isn’t. And I know, especially for us women, that can be hard.
Instead, I want to encourage you, wherever you are on the spectrum, to feel whatever it is that you are feeling. Don’t pretend that you aren’t grieving, if you are. Allow yourself the freedom to be sad. But also, don’t hold back your joy because someone you know is unhappy or because you’re just accustomed to holding back. Don’t hold back joy. Come on, people.
Whatever it is that you are feeling, feel it. It’s okay.
Smile big. Let yourself cry. Mean all of it.
The Counseling Student 